Cliven Bundy, aside from having a great name for a rancher, is a bit of an old-fashioned guy. In a New York Times profile on Wednesday, Bundy made some remarks you may have heard about by now:

“I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Negro,” he said…“[b]ecause they were basically on government subsidy, so now what do they do?” he asked. “They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail, because they never learned how to pick cotton. And I’ve often wondered, are they better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life and doing things, or are they better off under government subsidy? They didn’t get no more freedom. They got less freedom.”


So, I got to wondering — what else might Cliven Bundy wonder? What other entertaining pearls of wisdom might he have been hiding on his Nevada ranch all these years? I spoke with him via telekinesis, a little-known mode of purely mental communication*:

*That is not a real thing. I did not actually speak with Cliven Bundy; this is all pure conjecture on my part.

“I wonder if the unicorns were here, we wouldn’t have to have a militia. Their horns contain magical powder, like gun powder. We could send them out to fight for us and detonate their horns, BOOM goes the dynamite! But Noah forgot the unicorns, and they’ve all turned into narwhals and we don’t really go to war in the ocean anymore.”


“You know, if the band TLC was still together, there would be no gay men anywhere. That Lisa Left Eye was smokin’ hot.”


“I wonder if Barack Obama would have made it in the NBA.”


“I don’t think a football would be a very good Christmas gift. I want anofficial Red Ryder carbine action 200-range-shot model air rifle!”

Categories: Beliefs

Laura Turner

Laura Turner

Laura Turner is a writer and editor living in San Francisco. In addition to being a regular contributor to Christianity Today’s “Her.meneutics” blog, she has also written for publications such as Books & Culture and The Bold Italic. She is interested in the intersection of church and culture.


  1. I don’t defend his statements but nor can his thoughts be criticized either.

    This peace however is a joke. Too bad real journalism doesn’t exist here.

  2. “Peace” is a joke Laura!!

    I think Frank is stupid. Good thing no one can criticize my thoughts so I will just keep saying that.

    Why are people exalting a guy for breaking federal laws that have been in place for 100+ years? The kind of people coming to his defense say things like “We’re actually strategizing to put all the women up at the front. If they are going to start shooting, it’s going to be women that are going to be televised all across the world getting shot by these rogue federal officers.”

    What a joke Christians have become. As bad as the Pharisees and Sadducees.

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